I will not depart from Thee,
When Thy Heart Will break;
When Thy Heart fades away,
In the last blow of death,
Then will I embrace Thee,
In all my body and being.

(Gospel of St. Matthew, Chapter 26 or 27 . . . erm . . . one of them)

AAARRRGGHHH - just got back from the barber's (Lez(s?) Robbins) having made the fatal mistake of asking him . . . well, I opened the door, he was cutting the hair of this guy with white hair, looked in his late fifties, early sixties, and there's this guy sat down, waiting for a hair cut, on Lez's retro, cinema-style seats and Lez says, "Sorry, mate, we're closed," so I say, "No, no, I just had a quick question. I don't suppose you sell the paste for, you know, the leather straps for the cut-throat razors." Big, big, big mistake. I'm tempted to go back there, with every single hair removed from my body, and not a single nick, not a single trace of blood, and then to hold out the razor-sharp cut-throat and say to him, "Well, actually, Lez, I didn't need someone to teach me how to use this thing and, funny thing is, I know how to sharpen blades." Grrrrrr, he made me so angry. He was basically saying, "Take it back, get your money back, 'cos they shouldn't have sold it you. I gave evidence in court, yeah? 'Cos there was this guy, yeah? His name was, erm . . . Nick Howson . . . or was it Neil? Oh, whatever . . . Anyway, the point is, Peter Maturi sold him this cut-throat and, erm . . . I testified, said they never should have sold it in the first place. I mean, did they tell you how to use it?" No. "And have you got a strap?" Yes. "30 pounds?" Yes (well, 24.99) "And what about a stone? Have you got a stone?" A stone? What the frig are you on about? "To sharpen it. You need a stone. Trust me. Take it back. Look, see, if you want the paste, I can get it for you. It will be about, erm . . . thirteen pounds . . . I have to get it from Italy, but I use these," as he showed me his cut-throat-cum-disposable-razor affair . . . interesting. And I watched him using this cut-throat, and thought to myself, "Ah . . . so that's how you use it," and I've just done a dry shave on a little patch on my arm and it's now oddly smooth without a single cut . . . I guess it's easier to shave an arm than a face, though . . . the hair is of course much softer, much thinner. But if there's one thing I cannot stand, it's people telling me that I cannot do something. What do you mean I cannot? I don't have the ability? The aptitude? The experience? The knowledge? What? What is it? What is it I don't have? Grrrrrrrr. Anyway, I need a shave. Well, in that case, pay attention to the bit at the end - "Shaving with an open razor is not easy to master and this guide is not to be considered a substitute for being taught by a Barber."

It wasn't easy, no, but not impossible. I cut myself once, slightly. Problem is, though, the blade seems blunt and I don't have any of the paste for the sharpening strip and I don't want to ruin the blade by . . . you know, not doing it properly. I think back to Peter Maturi and, "Erm . . . how are you meant to sharpen this thing? When you gonna get some of this paste stuff in? And why are you only charging three pounds and that crazy Lez Robbins guy wants to charge me thirteen? And why should I mention . . . Neil Howson? Who are these people? Personally, I think if you call something 'cut throat', you're asking for trouble . . . the implies danger from the outset, you know? Erm . . . I guess we kind of fritter our lives away in details and, erm, there was this time once, few years back, as I entered the departure lounge at Washington Dulles Airport . . . I mean, I had no idea, no-one told me . . . and it all happened so fast . . . sorry. Oh yes, the cut-throat, yes."