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Thursday 20th November 2008
What? A wood-burner? Are you mad?!
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Christ. Whaddaya do if you want a wood-burning stove installed? First, you gotta break a little Catch-22 scenario: what kinda stove do you want? what kinda stove can I have? Well, what do you want? Well, what can I have? Et cetera, et cetera. Then you gotta decide on the power output. If it's over 5kW, you're gonna need some kind of air-block installing, so that fire regulations are satisfied and all that rubbish. So, you've decided on your stove but don't set your heart on it quite yet. Nowadays, every man and his dog want a wood-burning stove, so the wood-burning stove you're after is probably not in stock (and won't be for another two to three months, at least). Plus, due to the rise in the cost of iron ore (and general rise in cost of everything), the price you saw it advertised may change dramatically by the time you're actually in a position to buy said stove. Meanwhile, you ask people for advice about the installation of your wood-burning stove. But who do you ask? A chimney sweep? A roofer? A builder? A fire engineer? The salesman at the shop you're getting the stove from? The answer is all of the above and they'll probably tell you wildly different things. Some will quote you several thousands pounds to install the stove, some several hundred, some will just out-and-out refuse to do the work (too busy). So, you next need to sort out your hearth and chimney where the wood-burner is gonna sit. The stove needs space around it, due to the amount of heat generated when in full flow: 15cm clearance from each side to any combustible material, something similar at the back and lots of space from the front . . . blah, blah, blah. Now, have you had your chimney lined? Lined? What?! Lined, have you had it lined? What in god's name are you on about? A lined chimney basically is a chimney with a large, flexible metal tube running from chimney stack down to the stove itself (perhaps via a non-flexible, metal flue pipe). Do I need such a thing? Well, it depends who you ask. Some say yes, some say no, some say . . . it depends. But what kind of liner? There are types of chimney liner. If you have a chimney liner already installed it's probably fine . . . no, it will have to be replaced . . . no, it will last for a good 5 to 10 years if you're careful about how you use your wood-burner (tar deposits and all that, and don't forget to let fresh wood dry out for at least 18 months). A good chimney liner will cost yer £30 to £35 per metre and that's not including installation (add a few hundred there). But what the hell's that on top of your chimney stack? What kind of cowl's that? Do you even have a cowl? Do you know what a cowl is? Exactly. Pure craziness. And did I mention the register plate? Who's gonna fit that? Do I need a register plate? Do I? A register plate is just a sheet of metal (usually . . . it could be some kind of fire-proof asbestos thing if you're trying to cut costs) that sits above the wood-burner, where the flue pipe (did you budget that in?) meets the liner. So yeah . . . we're getting sick to death of the conflicting advice and the amount of people involved for something that should be so, so simple. I actually had a dream a few days back that I just got sick of seeing my wood-burner lying unused in the dining room and so piled a load of wood in and just lit it. I'm not at that stage yet. Hmmmm.
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