Bellerophon symbol, variation 7 jonath.co.uk
Tuesday 2nd January 2007

So I'm not at work again today, on account of looking after A****** (nursery doesn't open until next Monday). The highlight of the day (no, really) seems to have been a strange phone call with some guy at Practical Hi-Fi. I've met the guy in question face-to-face before, but he probably wouldn't remember that, having only been a very occasional customer. The conversation went a bit like this:

"Hello. I rang earlier this morning, asking about some Wharfedale floorstanding speakers. I think it was someone else I spoke to . . . but I was told that these would be ready for collection, for a home trial, around about now. Is it okay if I come over now and pick them up?"(Practical Hi-Fi do free home trial of their produce)
"Oh, yes, it would have been someone else, yes. We have the Acoustics Energy's boxed up, ready for collection, but are saying now that you want the Wharfedales? Because they're out of production now." (it's almost like a Sophist in action here, 'cos I'm thinking, "Acoustic Energy? What the hell are you on about? I have never heard of Acoustic Energy, not until you mentioned them. Why would I have ordered something by a company I've never heard of?")
"Erm . . . yes, the Wharfedales. They were definitely Wharfedales. I was told that model was in Preston and that you had to get a van to bring 'em over and that they should be at your place today."
"No, we don't do those any more."
"What, you don't sell them?"
"No. If you listened to me a couple of sentences back, I said they're out of production, but Practical Hi-Fi still sell them, but we don't have many models left, so if you want those, instead of the Acoutic Energy ones, which is fine, then I'll need to get them to bring 'em over from Preston, that's all. Otherwise, they could get sold to someone else. My colleague has spent ages packaging these Acoustic Energy speakers for you, but if you're saying you don't want them . . . ."
"Erm. Okay. Maybe I'm over-complicating things here. Maybe it would be easier if I just came down to your shop."
"Well, I'm just trying to save you two journeys, that's all [laughs]. We have the Acoustic Energy's ready now but we can't get the Wharfedales ready until tomorrow late afternoon."
"This conversation is confusing me and my son has just filled his nappy with the most horrendous smelling thing ever. Anyone would think he's ill or something"
"It's probably just the break-up of his routine, having taken him out of nursery for the Christmas period. I would guess he's probably not eating much in the evening as well. Not that I would know, of course. Maybe I have no children. Maybe I do. The narrative drifts into the bizarre. The worm sleeps and lizards falls. The dinosaurs wait as the turtle beckons. The wasp whispers to the children, unblinking, as the fourth sun sets. Granny rocks uncomfortably, whilst lava bubbles up between my toes. Bubbles popping. Sleep."

or something like that. I wonder if he knew my piano tuner? The conversation went on for a while, me often having to kind of stare at the phone, laughing, as this lunatic seemed to get increasingly angry with me, the customer, for failing to understand that the speakers I had ordered for collection today had metamorphised into a pair of Acoustic Energy speakers (same price, though) and that I could just borrow both sets tomorrow afternoon or, whatever - just go crazy - borrow a dozen sets of speakers. All very strange.
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